Clothed #3

jan 29 - clothedSo here’s what happened with Dustin:

I texted him to see what he was up to this weekend. Radio silence. This is the worst.

Finally, I got angry:

“Hey, so like I said, I respect your need for space, but to not return my texts or phone calls is still rude – and kind of awful. Can’t you just text me back and say you need space and I’ll know to leave you alone instead of leaving me hanging?”

He took his sweet time replying and then I got this: “Hey sorry, busy day. I’m helping my dad move into their new house, sat, sun.”

I replied: “I think you missed the point. Why can’t you be real with me?”

Then I changed my mind: “Never mind. You already told me where you’re at. I can’t hear that again. Goodbye.”

Then I blocked him. It was all pure dramatic Raquel-style romantic ending. But I am dramatic and I had lost my patience.

I don’t need to play games with someone. I’ll unblock him in the morning, but tonight there’s nothing he could say that wouldn’t harm my mental health.

I still love Dustin – the way I promised Jesus I would – and the strange thing is this is what made the game-playing so obvious – because it feels so NOT like love.

The thing about true love, I realize now is you can never lose it – no one can ever tell me to quit loving Terry or Dustin – I can love them forever. I can love them and let them go…and still be sane.