I have gone back to a thought, which has always brought me comfort, which has always made me feel better:
Jesus loves me.
Therefore, needing to be loved by anyone else is a selfish, earthly desire.
My humanity is not dependent on how much I am loved, but by how much I love. And no one can tell me not to love.
I want to love Dustin. This is the source of my nausea: holding back my feelings, pretending to be blasé or less invested than I am and the fear that I may be stripped of my ability to love if he leaves me in the future makes me feel like puking.
Everyone left Jesus – and they let him suffocate to death: he didn’t stop loving. If he had, he would have sacrificed his humanity.
And what is God without his humanity?
What am I without the purpose to love in the very same way?
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